So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
