Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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