Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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