wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
