I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
this just has baby written all over it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
