Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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