I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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