Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
