I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
