Kiss
Puke
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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