i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
