Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
