Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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