i love accidental penises.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
