so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
