He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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