3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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