Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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