He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
