So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
