Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
