Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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