He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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