Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
