how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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