We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
