this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
