I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
