The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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