Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
