I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
