last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
