if i can run in heels then i can drive
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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