I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
