yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
