They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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