and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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