The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
