FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Mom said you looked used
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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