I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
