So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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