im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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