she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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