I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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