OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
