We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
