All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
