Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
