There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My balls are so social today.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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