Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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