i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
