apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
